10/26/2009
Ran 45 minutes
9:55 pace
I haven't written in this blog since August and my excuse is that I never finish things. But then I realized that a blog isn't something you ever really finish. Which is weird. I don't like that. I got the idea for this blog when I was on a run listening to an audio book about running. I have to admit that I didn't get the idea for writing a blog chronicling my marathon training merely because it would be fun, or get me writing, or whatever. There's always a part of my brain that's daydreaming. Which can be okay, I suppose, but it's dangerous for me. I realize that I've daydreamed a lot of my life away. Whether it's work or family or whatever, I can so easily find myself wondering how whatever I'm doing will get me to something else, something more, something bigger. And invariably, I don't finish things. But no, that's not true. I do finish things, it's just that I'm thinking about the next thing. I'm doing it right now. I'm thinking about this blog becoming a book or a play or a screenplay or making me a million dollars. I did my first play in New York last March at the Cherry Lane Theatre and I caught myself not enjoying it about halfway through the run. I caught myself panicking because I was afraid that I wasn't doing enough to turn the experience into something more. A guest spot on Law and Order, or landing an agent, or winning a Tony, or this or that... We get it hammered into us as theatre students (and I'm sure this applies to all fields of study) that networking is everything. It's who you know. Network network network. Which is true and fine. But it's too easy for me to let that blind me to enjoying the moment. Believing that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Wherever I am. Right now, for instance. I've always wanted more than I had. And I've always had plenty. I'm directing Macbeth in the Spring. God has good timing.
I'm about sixteen weeks from the marathon and my work schedule has gotten very intense lately. I have a lot of classes, I'm rehearsing for a play (same play I did in NY) with my colleagues, working on the early design stages of Macbeth, directing a short film, and trying to get some sleep between baby feedings. Wah wah wah. What a wonderful list of activities! And yet... I feel like there's something else I should be doing. When does that end? Does it?
But I meant this to be about running. Today's run was very satisfactory because I DID NOT want to do it. I had a lot of work to do. I was tired. I have a sore throat. It was cold and rainy outside. But for some reason I went to the indoor track on campus and completed the run. And I feel good tonight.
